Courage When Friends Disappoint You

Courage When Friends Disappoint You

Leaders References

Goal
  • The goal of this program is to build into brothers and sisters heads that being disappointed by their friends is an inevitable fact of life, but Jesus have been through the same things and He will understand them. We will provide some tools and defensive mechanism that they can use when that occurs. They will also learn how to comfort and care for those who are in trying situations.

Tips for leaders
  • Ask God for guidance and do your part.
  • Like any other programs you're going to lead, you need to make an effort to prepare well for it.
  • Use a dictionary to find out the meaning of words that you are not familiar with. I find it hard to translate some of these on-the-spot, so think ahead how to say and deliver these messages.
  • Be familiar with the time limit imposed on each part and stick with the time.
  • Think about how to bridge from one part to the other.
  • Mentally, run through the whole program once in your head.

Run-down

8:10pm

Welcome ***
  • Say: "There's an application on the Facebook called Top Friends where you can specify who are your top friends and you can also see who picked you as their top friends. Now think think who you'd put on your list of best friends and who'd put you as their best friends (assuming everyone with or without Facebook accounts can use this application)."
    • Note: The point here is to get them something concrete that they can visualize easier.
  • Work: Ask them to close their eyes and visualize these people in their heads. (1 min)
  • Worship: "Please continue to close your eyes. Father, we thank you for giving us friends and thank you for the list of very specific friends each of us have in our head right now, we ask your love be with us and help us to build up relationship with people you've put around us. Amen!"

8:13pm

Best Friends **
  • Say: "Now, can we share how did you come up with the list of your best friends."
  • Share: 3 to 5 sharings (max 4 mins)
    • If someone mentioned that his/her best friends who stand by their side during their difficult times, you can say, "Thank you for your sharing, when you go through difficult times in your life, you don't have to ask after it's all over who really cares about you because you'll find out."
  • Ask: "See it from a different angle, when our friends are in the middle of a difficult situation, there is actually a very good opportunity opened for us. Have you thought about what that would be?"
  • Share (1 min)
    • Suggested answer: an opportunity for us to show that 'we care'.
  • Say: "At the end of apostle Paul's life, he found out in a difficult way who his real friends are. Let's look at the scriptures."

8:20pm

Scriptures *****
  • Word: Read 2 Timothy 4:9-18 interlaced with background and key points of the story. No need to go into details. No need to discuss at this point. (10 mins)
  • Background information: It is best if you could listen to the 45 mins sermon by Dr. David Jeremiah, but here are some key points:
    • Paul wrote the letter to Timothy while he was in jail.
    • The political climate was very hostile to Christians after the great fire of Rome and many have tried to disassociate themselves from Paul.
    • Paul knew he'll be prosecuted soon.
    • 底馬, 革勒士, 提多 were once his friends or were following Paul, but have since left him.
    • 亞力山大 may even be responsible for putting Paul into jail.

9你要趕緊的到我這裡來。10因為底馬貪愛現今的世界，就離棄我往帖撒羅尼迦去了，革勒士往加拉太去，提多往撻馬太去，11獨有路加在我這裡。你來的時候，要把馬可帶來，因為他在傳道（或作：服事我）的事上於我有益處。12我已經打發推基古往以弗所去。13我在特羅亞留於加布的那件外衣，你來的時候可以帶來，那些書也要帶來，更要緊的是那些皮卷。14銅匠亞力山大多多的害我；主必照他所行的報應他。15你也要防備他，因為他極力敵擋了我們的話。16我初次申訴，沒有人前來幫助，竟都離棄我；但願這罪不歸與他們。17惟有主站在我旁邊，加給我力量，使福音被我盡都傳明，叫外邦人都聽見；我也從獅子口裡被救出來。18主必救我脫離諸般的兇惡，也必救我進他的天國。願榮耀歸給他，直到永永遠遠。阿們。
9Do your best to come to me quickly, 10for Demas, because he loved this world, has deserted me and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. 11Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry. 12I sent Tychicus to Ephesus. 13When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and my scrolls, especially the parchments. 14Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. 15You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message. 16At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. 17But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth. 18The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

8:30pm

When Friends Disappoint You ****
  • Say: "In the scriptures, we can almost feel Paul's disappointment and discouragement when he talk about friends who've forsaken him. In fact, Paul is not the only one who've experienced that in the Bible."
  • Ask: "How was Christ disappointed by some who were close to Him?"
  • Share (2 mins)
    • Suggested answer: Juda betrayed Jesus with a kiss, Peter denied Jesus three times, all disciples left Him into hiding, etc.
  • Say: "Jesus came to the world and have experienced what we will experience, which include betrayal. Disappointment by friends is an inevitable reality in this life, but Jesus understands our pain."

8:35pm

Tangible Expression of Encouragement **
  • Say: "Why is Paul's request for Timothy to bring him his cloak and books in the Bible? It's in the Bible because God wants us to know that there are certain physical things that we need to be aware of. When we see somebody who is alone and hurting, we need to give them more than a prayer: When you see somebody who is hurting, when they are isolated, when it seems like everybody has turned away, go to them with something in your hands. Take them something that says to them, 'I love you'--something that's going to be in their hands when you walk away so they won't forget your message."
  • Ask: "What is the unique, most tangible expression of encouragement someone ever brought to you? What did that gift 'say' to you?"
  • Share: free sharing (5 mins max)

8:40pm

Traits of Good Friends ***
  • Say: "In times of disappointment and need, we need companions; we need people. When somebody is going through a tough time, and it looks like all his or her friends have left, you don't even have to say anything. You just have to be there. You just have to go and sit with them and listen to them."
  • Work: On 5 small pieces of paper, list the five traits you would desire to have in a good friend. (e.g. loyalty, listening, encouraging, sensitive, acceptance, problem solving, etc.) (4 mins)
  • Work: Rank those traits in the order in which you believe you possess them (from most to least). (1 mins)
  • Work: Quickly read out some of those.
  • Work: Find the top 3 most frequently appeared traits from the table.
  • Say: "Let's remember these traits and ask God to help us to develop them."

8:47pm

Isolation ***
  • Say: "When we are isolated from interruptions by other people, there is much God can do in our hearts that He cannot do in the busyness of our normal lives. God can use our 'alone' times to drive us into protracted times of study and meditation."
  • Share: any experience of reflection and evaluation facilitated by time of isolation (3 mins)
    • Note: group leaders need to prepare their own sharing in case there's no sharing here
  • Work: Challenge them to have regular retreats or quiet times.

8:52pm

Self-Pity ***
  • Ask: "What is your first, impulsive response as you view abandonment? Your fault, their fault, or just 'one of those things' where no one is to blame?"
  • Share (go around the table and pick one from the three) (2 mins)
    • Note: In this exercise, most of them should admit that their first, impulsive response would be that it's other people's fault --> i.e. blame. Some of them many think it's their own fault --> i.e. self-pity.
  • Say: "If isolation occurs voluntarily (e.g. regular retreats and quiet times), it can be a good thing. But if it occurs involuntarily--you are deserted by people you believed would be beside you--it can be dangerous. It can turn into a pity party where introspection takes over and accusation or blame becomes the focus. The best way to prevent that from happening is to get into the Word."

8:55pm

Bible As a Defensive Measure ****
  • Ask: "What do some people do when they're merely starting to feel a very small symptom of a cold?"
  • Share: quick short answers (2 min)
    • Answers you want to lead them to: Even before they proved that they have a cold, they may start to take vitamin C, 30 pills of ColdFx per day, start taking cold medicine and gets tons of sleep as a defensive measure.
  • Read: "You say, 'What if I don't feel like reading the Bible?' Do it anyway! Do it out of discipline until you do feel like it. And in the process of doing it in obedience to the Lord, you will discover when you take the step of faith to do what you know to do, your feelings will begin to change."
  • Say: "Reading Bible is one of the most effective defensive measures against self-pity."
  • Work: Challenge them to develop a regular Bible reading habit.

8:59pm

Closing Prayer *****
  • In the closing prayer, incorporate the following four solutions to the problem of being disappointed by friends:
  1. Acknowledge the reality of your disappointment
  2. Accept God's provision of your isolation
  3. Allow God's word to fill your heart and mind
  4. Activate your network of Christian friends (accountability)

9:00pm

Sharing and Pray Together
  • Cell group sharing and prayer time
  • Must leave room by 9:30pm the latest
  • It is the group leader and assistant leader's responsibility to control the time. Sharing that drag on forever doesn't equal to quality sharing. When they know there's a time limit, they'll automatically adjust their sharing to be more concise and to-the-point. One exception to the rules is when things get emotional and extra time is needed to deal with it. Use your judgment.

9:30pm
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